Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
