Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
