I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
