Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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