he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
