Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
