so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
