I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
