It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
