i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
