I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
