Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im part way to drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
