remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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