I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
