I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
