I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
