i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
