I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
