I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
