Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
