you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
