Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
