Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
