just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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