dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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