the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
