Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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