how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
