I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
