i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
