no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
