dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
