I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
