Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You took a bar mat shot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
