We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
