You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
