help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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