I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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