we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
