can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
