Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
