We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I want her autograph on my taint
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
