I want to stick my p in your. b.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
