He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
