I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
