New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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