i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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