who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
