atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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