Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
